the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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