Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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