After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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