all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize