I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
