i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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