Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
