Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
