God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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