1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He felt like a one man threesome
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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