Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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