The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
