he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
