i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
