Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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