she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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