I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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