I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
