Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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