I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
