I wanna bring you to show and tell
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
