we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
