the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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