ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
