I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
