if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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