I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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