I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
