Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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