I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
