The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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