During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
