I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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