So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
