Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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