Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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