just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
