i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this will be a night to untag.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
