My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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