never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
