forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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