Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
