as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
