we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
