i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize