My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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