you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
