So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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