Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
