Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
