i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
