Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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