respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
