Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize