i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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