I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
