ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
