It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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