Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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