I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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