What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
