grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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