How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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