I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
