Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
