Will you blow on my dice?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
