Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
