I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
