drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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