So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
