Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize