On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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