If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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