no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
