I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
