If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize