hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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