i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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