what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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