respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
