I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
