Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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