i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
