just come out here and I will go home with you...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
