If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
