Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize