I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
