I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
