i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
