You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
