My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
