my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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