I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
