you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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