we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Damn victory sex feels great
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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