How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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