ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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