weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
