There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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