Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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