What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
