he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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