drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
