end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
