thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize