I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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