Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
