i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
