He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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