I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
