Your face is a jimmy john
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
