ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
