your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
